How to Find and Keep a Good Man


Dr. Ashley Arn of Date to Soul Mate and eH+ by eHarmony was just interviewed on Last First Date Radio about how to find and keep a good man.  She gives some great free tips and insights into men, women and dating.


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Here are some takeaways from the interview…….

-there are many great relationship ready men out there

-many people struggle in presenting themselves in a way that’s most attractive to their ideal partner

-you need to get inside the mind of your ideal partner to find out what they are really attracted to

-being authentic and knowing who you are is step 1.  You need to connect with yourself  first in order to put your best foot forward

-we often give off signals that we are unavailable or not interested without knowing it – people are often unaware of their unapproachable resting face, are too busy on their smart phone, are engrossed in their mental to do list instead of connecting with others around

-you need to give green light signals to men that you are approachable and are open to connecting

-men need many more green light signals to approach with you than most women realize or feel comfortable giving

-don’t date a person’s resume or focus solely on checking boxes

-you don’t want to base your relationship on temporary qualities that can change from year to year

-there is a difference between who your most attracted to and who is a great long term match for you

-be willing to go on dates and meet people face to face

-don’t hide behind your computer and digital communication

-meet someone 2-3 times because people are often nervous on a first date

-you want to balance making personal statements about yourself and asking value related questions on a date

Say yes to love,

Dr. Michael and Dr. Ashley Arn

Why Relationship Ready Men Would be Uncontrollably Attracted to Mother Theresa

She walked in to the crowded room. She scanned the room looking for a great guy to chat with.   She didn’t know what he would look like.  She did know that if she was able to connect with enough men on a deep soul level, she would eventually find the right relationship ready man for her.  She would find her soul husband.


The men she talked to were wildly attracted to her even though there were much more beautiful women in the room.  She didn’t have to play the game of being skinnier, younger or smarter than all the other women.  She didn’t have any competition from other women when it came to men.  She saw the game being played around her and lived her life on much higher level.


Men felt a connection to her and were uncontrollably drawn to her. They couldn’t really explain why they were so drawn to her, but there was a strong sense that they were connecting with someone very special.  They wanted to talk to her, wanted to be around her and they wanted to do connect with her more and more.
The woman were talking about is none other than Mother Teresa. That’s right we’re talking about THE Mother Theresa.  You know, the woman who was married to God.  Her life took a very unique path, but if she would’ve wanted to marry a mere mortal man, she would’ve been great at attracting the right guy for her.


What would be Mother Theresa’s secret to finding and attracting the right relationship ready guy for her?


Her secret would be that she gives to give when interacting with men or anyone for that matter. She is not looking to get anything out of talking to a man or potential mate.


Her intentions are to authentically connect with a man and give him a great experience in connecting with her.  What does she give you ask?


She gives her best self, she gives her optimism, her happiness, her passion for life.


She helps anyone she’s talking to escape from their disconnected lives and be able to have the excitement of genuinely connecting with her.


Too many of us are in take mode in our love lives.  We are looking to get something from the person we are dating.  We are looking to get validation, emotional support, reassurance, excitement, escape, sexual pleasure, an ego boost etc.


When we act out of instinct instead of our best selves we tend to be in take mode.


The key is finding a balance between giving to give to the man you’re dating and being able to receive what he is giving to you. 


The next time you’re connecting with a man, put yourself in a place where you are giving to him simply to give without expecting anything in return.  You are simply giving him the gift of connecting with you, of you listening, understanding and empathizing with him.

Why is Dating So Hard Today?


One of the most common questions we get asked by our clients and readers is why is dating so hard today.


The amount of single men and women is at an all time high so it should be easier to find love right?


Not so fast. We’ll explain why the opposite is actually true later.  Dating and relationships are very confusing today.


There are a number of reasons dating is so frustrating and confusing right now. Here are most important reasons:


1. People have unlimited partner options due to technology and globalization (online dating, social media, etc.).


You have more choices and options in terms of potential partners which is a good thing and a bad thing. Psychologists have coined the term “paradox of choice” to refer to the downsides of having many choices.


On the surface level having many potential partners seems like a good thing (and it is at times), but it also creates challenges for you mentally and emotionally when it comes to finding love.


You need to learn specific mental and emotional strategies to be able to quickly and easily make the best choices for you when it comes to love.


2. People have increasingly High Expectations for a Partner.


The concept of being happy in a relationship is relatively new (the past 50-100 years). Think about it, cavemen and cavewomen didn’t even think about their happiness.


They created a relationship in order to have babies and further our species.


Because the idea of expecting to be happy in a relationship is relatively new, we are often not good at it. We are like babies trying to take their first couple of steps. Many of us either have way to extreme of expectations or we don’t have any at all.


3. Rejection is easier with more partner options and with less face to face interactions.


Let’s face it, when you have unlimited partner options and you can just send someone a text, IM, or social media message that you are moving on, it’s a lot easier to dump someone.


4. Sex is easier to obtain.


Not much to say here because it’s pretty obvious. Today, you don’t need to be a in a relationship to enjoy sex or have babies. This makes finding lasting love much more complicated.


5. With such high standards and unlimited options people are looking to quickly eliminate potential partners not find their soul mate.


This is the biggest change in dating/relationships over the past 50 years. With today’s busy schedules and focus on hyper-productivity, people often aren’t looking for “the one”. They are looking to eliminate potential partners based on negative male/female stereotypes.


This has switch has been a game changer in relationships and it has made today’s dating world complicated and confusing.


Now that you understand why dating is so hard, you can take action and do something about it if you really want to find someone special.


Say yes to love,


Dr. Michael Arn and Dr. Ashley Arn



There’s a Douche Bag Blocking My Path


This Douche Bag situation is critical to your love life.


We went out for a walk with our son Mason in the morning. He loves walking.


He also loves attention from the ladies young and old on our walks.


He is fascinated by the street performers on the promenade. Although “Pink Man” scares him silly.
As we were leaving, one of our neighbors was frantically pacing back and forth by our driveway. We stopped to see if she needed any help.


She was furious.


She couldn’t get out of our parking garage. She was late for work. It didn’t sound like her boss would be understanding.


Our parking garage is underground. There is only one way out. Some douche bag parked his car directly across our driveway.


There was no way around the car and everyone was stuck. Our car was stuck too. Luckily we hardly ever drive anywhere. We use the power of our legs to get most places.


Even crazier was that there were some available parking spots on our block. This D-bag could’ve parked in anyone of them.


He chose to park directly in front of a driveway blocking 11 cars from getting out.


Now we understand parking in an undesirable place for 1 minute or so as you run into somewhere or pick up a friend. Where we live in Santa Monica, parking is a precious resource. It’s gold currency. But this guy was nowhere in sight. He PARKED there to go to work or whatever.


We were able to happily go on our walk. Our neighbor wasn’t so lucky. She had to call Santa Monica Parking to get this guy towed. She was 2 hours late for work.


What do you do when someone is blocking your path?


It could be your path to feeling happy today.

Your path to career success.


Your path to having a great night on the town with your friends.


Your path to success.


Your path to finding lasting love.


No matter what you will have people accidentally AND purposely get in the way of your success.


Some people will unintentionally make it harder for you to succeed by trying to “help” you. They might poison your mind with negative thoughts. They’ll project their own insecurities and issues onto you. They’ll give you terrible advice.


You’ll go out with a great guy. They’ll say “be careful men aren’t what they seem at first” “they all have something to hide”.


Or some similar nonsense.


They think they are helping you. But they are blocking your path to success nonetheless. They are living out of fear and scarcity. No one succeeded long term making decisions that way.


Other people will purposely try to block your path to success like the douche bag before. They will park their metaphorical car right on your path to success.


You will encounter these people so be ready. It could be a family member, a friend, a coworker or a random d-bag.


They will at times enrage you. Sometimes you’ll want to fight back. You’ll imagine the sweet joy of punching they’re face in.


Other times you’ll want to give up. Take a different path. An easier path.




The best thing you can do is persistently and calmly travel your path to love, happiness and success no matter what gets in your way. No matter what idiots you encounter. It’s the best payback.


Most people don’t understand positive persistence. It will help you overcome any obstacles and setbacks.


It’s the only thing that literally guarantees success in any area of life.


Positive persistence means never giving up and always traveling your own personal path to success.


If you want help carving out your path to love go here:


Say Yes to Love,

Dr. Michael Arn & Dr. Ashley Arn


P.S. Ashley‘s toe is healing. She even danced with Michael on her birthday last weekend. Nothing like dancing with a boot on your foot. :)


Ashley’s Big Toe vs. A Marinara Sauce Jar



Michael heard a frightening scream and loud crying from the kitchen.


He was instantly hit with an intense fear. The kind of fear that stops your heart. Makes you hyper alert. The kind you only feel when you’re worried for your life.


Or for the life of someone you love.


Michael ran into the kitchen. Ashley was bent over crying. Our son Mason was sitting on the kitchen counter looking frightened.


Ashely was crying to hard she couldn’t utter more than a word.


Michael now in full protective father and husband mode grabbed Mason and helped Ashley sit down on the couch.


After MANY deep breaths everyone was calm. Although Ashley had a big toe the size of Nashville and color of the sunshine raisins.


Turns out Ashley was cooking our favorite pasta and marinara dinner.


Our son Mason was “helping” mama cook by sitting on the kitchen counter.


While cooking, Mason accidently knocked a huge glass jar of tomato sauce off the counter top and onto Ashley’s foot.


It brought a world of pain down on Ashley’s foot like she never experienced before.


Ashley was in pain. Mason felt bad for hurting mama.


This is the kind of situation we all experience.


You get hurt. Feel pain. Something goes wrong.


You look to see WHO you can blame.


There’s a problem though.


When you look around there really is no one to blame.


In our Marinara jar versus Ashley’s toe scenario there is no one to blame.


Mason isn’t to blame. It was an accident. He didn’t intentionally throw the jar at Ashley’s foot.


This brings up an important life factor. The ability to take responsibility for your choices without blaming yourself or others. But that’s a story for another day.


Ashley isn’t to blame either. There is nothing she did that directly led to her toe throbbing in pain.


She can’t blame the jar of marinara sauce. It was just sitting there innocently the whole time :)


So what does she do?


What do you do in your life?


When it comes to finding lasting love, you are going to get hurt along the way.


You’ll experience pain at times.


You’ll cry and feel like giving up.


You’ll look for someone to blame for your pain. For your broken heart.


You might blame your current lover. An ex lover. All men. All women.


Worst of all you might blame yourself. You might mentally beat yourself up for days, weeks, months or even years.


But life isn’t that simple. Usually there is no one to blame.


You aren’t to blame. Your lover isn’t to blame. Your ex lovers aren’t to blame. Your parents aren’t to blame.


If you are dead set on blaming someone for your pain you could be stuck there forever. You’ll get jaded. You might even become a major complainypants.


Blame almost never helps any situation. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart.


The next time you get hurt. Feel pain. Don’t get what you want from your lover.


Drop the blame. Take responsibility for your choices. Have compassion for your lover, your ex’s and especially yourself.


If you want to master the dating world and find love once and for all, check out our Meet Your Mr. Right Course


Say Yes to Love,


Dr. Michael Arn & Dr. Ashley Arn


P.S. Ashley’s toe ended up being broken right under the toe nail(ouch). The doctor said it might be black and blue for months. She’s a trooper though. We made sure not to blame Mason. Now mama’s wearing a cool boot.