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Dr. Ashley & Dr. Michael

Dating Background Check – Should you do background checks before you go on a date?

Is a dating background check necessary or not?  Today we will talk you about if you should be doing background checks or not in dating.

The internet is responsible for many of our dating challenges today.

We can blame online dating for the paradox of choice and for letting us hide behind the computer screen instead of interacting face to face.

We complain about how complicated dating is today because the getting to know you process is no longer organic or easy.

YET… we can easily grab any information we want online about someone BEFORE going out on a date with them.

This part is our choice.

There are a few important things to think about before you rely on a background check to save you from a creepy online dude.

Most background checks aren’t even accurate and they are definitely not comprehensive.

The reliability of a background check in dating is dependent upon the information entered into many different systems.

Sometimes this information is not entered at all, entered incorrectly, and/or is based on self report.

One of the greatest concerns about background checks is that they may create a false sense of security.

What would you do if someone came back clear?

Most likely, you would go into meeting someone more relaxed and less on guard about safety.

The problem is that someone isn’t just going to lie to you on a first date if they are a liar.

Even worse, what if that background check was inaccurate and missing something huge.

What do you think people did back before background checks existed?

Before background checks, people trusted their intuition and took normal safety precautions.

If you are rely on background checks to protect you, you also may be unintentionally sending yourself messages of disempowerment.

You could be telling yourself that you don’t have enough insight or intuition to spot red flags and remove yourself from scary situations.

The alternative is to sharpen your intuition and to follow some basic safety rules.  No matter how intuitive you may be, remember that there will be a certain percentage of people who are catfishers, frauds, and scam artists.  Here’s how you can identify them early on and steer clear!

Use a Credible Online Dating Site

Make sure you are choosing a credible site. If people are randomly trying to add you on Google+ or Facebook, it is probably not legitimate.  You really only want to interact with people in an online dating forum intended for introducing people to one another, such as one of the big sites like match.com.

There are also a bunch of other smaller niche sites that have good safety protocol. Since these sites are designed for matchmaking, they usually have dedicated trust and safety teams who are reviewing accounts.

Don’t hesitate to report someone who seems off. It will protect you and hopefully prevent others from being scammed by this person.

Avoid Ongoing Conversations with People You have Never Met

Don’t invest weeks, months, or years communicating with someone that you have never met. This is how people get catfished. Minimally, require a video chat. If you do this, make sure you are in a public location for the first time so it cannot be tracked.

Don’t EVER Send Money

No trust and safety team can actually catch all the fraudulent fish out there.  Frankly, there are just some really great scammers out there! If anyone asks you for money DO NOT give them any under any circumstances.  We know what you are thinking. Yes. Even if they say are being imprisoned in a foreign country and need you to wire them cash immediately. If they say that, they are definitely a scammer.

Check Out Their Profile for Inconsistencies

If you feel like something is fishy, look for signs of inconsistency on their profile. If they graduated from college earlier than they graduated from high school, there is a 100% chance they are a fraud.

Never Let Someone Pick You Up at Your Place!

No matter how many times people tell us they won’t let someone pick them up at their place for a first date, they still do. It never ends well.

Meet in a neutral locale and preferably not too close to your home. People often decide that they will make it convenient for themselves and select the first meeting location at their favorite coffee shop that the frequent. Don’t be this person.  Once you are actually face to face with someone, if you feel something is off, don’t just head straight home because someone could follow you.

Use a Google Voice Number

It is easy and free and will protect someone from having your phone number.

Trust Your Gut and Use Common Sense

No matter what, trust your gut.  If your gut is telling you that things just aren’t lining up, you are probably right and it is best to cut that person off as quickly as possible before they have access to any of your personal information.

Most people who get into trouble do so because connection or chemistry with someone led them to stop using common sense and start acting in ways they normally wouldn’t.

Dating Background Check – Should you do background checks before you go on a date?

Dating Background Check