Feeling better vs. BEING better

If you had a bad day and are just venting, we recommend you vent in a private journal and not on a public facebook post.

Believe it or not, the people you’re dating are looking you up.

We once had a client who couldn’t figure out why she was having so much trouble in the beginning stages of dating.

People were initially interested in her but quickly disappeared.

After 2 minutes of online research, we discovered that she was saying things like what you see in the photo above publicly on facebook on a regular basis. It turned out this was the cause of her disappearing dates.

If you truly believe this, if this is really your mindset and you aren’t just venting, nothing will help you meet the right person or create a great relationship until this changes.

Many people are using the right dating strategies with the wrong mindset.

When you say things like this, your friends and family will often try to ease your burden by telling you you’re right. Things like….

“All men are phonies.”

“It is impossible to meet someone with dating like it is today.”

“No one really wants a relationship these days.”

The problem is they’re lying to you. They’re trying to help you by making you FEEL better.

It’s similar to watching news that only confirms your beliefs. It makes you feel better, but it doesn’t make you smarter or more informed.

But… if you really want to meet a great person you don’t need to FEEL better, you need to BE better!

We know that is not what you want to hear but it is the truth.

Making yourself feel better usually involves blaming others, shirking responsibility, rationalizations, and reinforcing your current beliefs.

BEING BETTER is a result of self-awareness, honestly looking at what you want, assessing if you’re behaving accordingly, acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses, improving in areas that are uncomfortable, and making core changes about yourself.

This is simple, but it is not easy.

It’s also the ONLY way to have long term success.

Many days you’ll decide to make yourself feel better and that’s okay. We all need that at times.

The key is not to lie to yourself that making yourself feel better is helping you get what you want.

Being successful in finding and keeping an amazing partner means you have to MAKE YOURSELF better on a regular basis.

We are doing this on a regular basis.  Yes, we are happily married to each other, but we are continually growing to BE better.

If it is always someone else’s fault, doesn’t that leave you powerless to have what you want?

You have to take control of what is within your power to change and learn how to handle obstacles that come your way.

If you want to step up and BE BETTER, we can help you do it in the quickest and most effective way possible.  Go fill out this quick form to learn more.


Dr. Ashley & Dr. Michael Arn