Giving up on Love? Discover One of the Most Destructive Habits for Your Love Life


She walked in very slowly. Her shoulders were slumped down and she avoided eye contact with everyone. The way she felt made her look 10 years old than her actual age. Her husband of 5 years was trailing behind her looking like he was walking into a sex shop or something. Like he didn’t want anyone to see or recognize him here.


She sat down and after about one hour into the presentation she raised her hand and said…..




Have you ever felt hopeless about turning your love life around?

Maybe you feel like you’ve tried everything to fix your love life?


If you feel like you’ve given everything of yourself to your relationship and are on the brink of giving up on love forever, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.


At first, most of our client’s feel hopeless about finding love and making it last. The man and woman we described above came to one of our most popular talks on rescuing your relationship.


The woman was feeling so hopeless about ever experiencing love again that she couldn’t see the golden strategies being handed right to her.


Sometimes you just feel stuck in a place where nothing feels like it will work because you’ve “TRIED EVERYTHING”.


The reality is MOST PEOPLE HAVEN’T TRIED EVERYTHING. Not even close. And even if you have tried something it doesn’t mean that it won’t be wildly successful if you try it again with the guidance of an expert.


The reason many of the top professional athletes and executives hire coaches is because they can usually get much better results when practicing under the guidance of an expert.


The truth is that despite their best intentions, most people haven’t tried very many things at all. It feels like you’ve tried all kinds of things because you have been trying hard and giving it your all. But that doesn’t mean you’ve tried everything.


The reality is most people are engaging in one of the most destructive habits for their love life


Doing more of the same, but harder, stronger and more frequently.


What do we mean by doing more of the same, but harder, stronger and more frequently?


When most people don’t have the relationship they want or aren’t getting the results they are looking for, they don’t change strategies. They simply use the same strategy they’ve been using, but they do it with more intensity and more often.


And if they do change strategies, they only try the same 2-3 ineffective strategies but with more force.


For example, if a husband is trying to romance his wife, he might try to buy her flowers, chocolate or take her out for a romantic dinner. If, and when, his attempts to romance his wife don’t work he might try to buy her more flowers, more chocolate and take her out to more frequent romantic dinners.
And when this doesn’t work he’ll buy her even more flowers, chocolate and dinners.


Here is the problem: His wife doesn’t find those particular things romantic. So, no matter how hard he tries to do them they won’t work.


He would be much better off trying different strategies such as looking for what actually makes his wife feel special and romanced.


Here is another example: A woman wants her boyfriend to spend more time with her. Her strategy to get her boyfriend to spend more time with her is to ask him “why don’t you want to spend more time with me?”


When her strategy of asking this question to her boyfriend doesn’t work what does she do?


She asks him more frequently and with more intensity “why don’t you want to spend more time with me?”


As you might guess this strategy doesn’t work and actually backfires because her boyfriend wants to spend less time with her due to her “nagging” (his words).


She would be much better off trying different strategies to try and get him to spend more time with her.

She could stop asking him about it.
She could ask him a different but similar question.
She could change how she acts when they do spend time together.
She could schedule other fun things to do with other people.
There are thousands of other things she could do here.


The point is to not get stuck doing the same ineffective things over and over again. If your strategy isn’t working, do something different. ANYTHING is better than doing what you’ve already been doing.


Even counter intuitive strategies can be more effective than repeating the same ineffective strategies over and over again.

You can better cope with all of the issues in your love life if you are flexible in your approach and in your attempted solutions.


Say Yes to Love,

Dr. Michael Arn & Dr. Ashley Arn