“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of it for anyone else.”
Hey did you hear about Kelly? No, what? I heard she had a few too many and slept with James. OMG! No way… I can’t believe she did that. You know she just broke up with her boyfriend of three years. I think she’s really messed up in the head. She was all depressed for a couple of weeks and now she’s just sleeping around. That’s not good. These guys are just using her.
GOSSIP GOSSIP GOSSIP
When most of us think about gossip, we think of a kind of conversation like the one above. These gossip conversations have a judging, dirty, behind the scenes, life sucks, blaming tone that focuses on people’s mistakes, failures, and what’s doesn’t work.
We love this kind of gossip. It helps us feel good about ourselves. Just look at the popularity of celebrity gossip magazines and television shows. We can’t get enough!!
I have to admit, I can fall into the thrilling, seductive trap of gossip just as easily as anyone. But, I have also seen gossip’s destructive consequences and have come to believe that the stories you tell and the conversations you have about your partner, loved ones, friends and colleagues become reality.
Language and emotions literally shape reality and the direction of your life and other’s lives!
When the stories you focus on and tell are about how life sucks, your partner’s faults, or how terrible your friends and colleagues are, you will see more and more of these exact things you’re gossiping about.
When gossip takes you over and you begin to tell the stories of gossip, it can be almost impossible to see anything else. You start to see everything through the lens of gossip. Gossip makes you more aware of people’s mistakes, failures and faults.
Has gossip tricked you into being an expert on your partner’s, loved ones, friends and colleagues faults, mistakes, and failures?
Does gossip ever get you to blame other people for events in their lives or their choices?
What kind of atmosphere does gossip create in your life, family or work?
A Good Communication Skill: Spreading Positive Gossip
To steer your relationships in the right direction, start spreading positive gossip. It takes too much work to try and stop destructive gossip from taking you over at first, but you can start to look for the smallest of opportunities to spread positive gossip!
Positive gossip can completely change the nature of your relationships, improve your marriage, or deepen relationships at your work. When you spread positive gossip those around you start to see their strengths and mini-successes through your eyes, which contributes to their self-confidence and self-worth. Positive gossip helps those closest to you build upon their strengths, gain momentum towards their goals, and recognize and utilize their strengths.
Also, the people in your life will most likely start to see you differently if you’re spreading positive gossip. You become the leader of creating a completely different, rewarding environment of support, trust, and cheer leading each other. You may even notice those closest to you beginning to talk about your successes and strengths as well.
Be on the lookout for your partner’s, loved ones, friends, and colleague’s successes, triumphs, admirable qualities, and healthy habits or behaviors. Look for successes that are so small you normally wouldn’t notice or seem trivial at first. Look for hidden moments of delight, uncover bright spots and pull the sheet off of all the sparkling moments those closest to you have each day.
Start asking yourself questions like:
What’s one good thing about this person?
What’s the smallest thing about this person or their actions that I appreciate?
What’s the smallest quality I admire about this person?
What’s the smallest success I’ve seen this person have today?
After you begin to notice these small successes and positives, start to tell people about it.
Ex. “Hey did you hear about Jim? He just quit smoking cold turkey, that takes a lot of willpower. I’m impressed!”
A good communication skill: Begin promoting what you like and admire about other people, what’s working for them, and the strengths of those closest to you today.
Spreading positive gossip involves little small acts of kindness that can have ripple effects throughout all areas of your life. Each little recognition and telling of other’s successes and strengths can create a new reality and direction for your life.
Remember that the stories we tell and re-tell about ourselves and other’s shape and become our reality. Spreading positive gossip is an amazingly good communication skill that can improve all of your relationships.
Say Yes to Love,