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Dr. Ashley & Dr. Michael

How to Have More Confidence by Sharing Your Weirdness

Are you afraid to make mistakes and “fail”?

Do you worry that people in your life will “see the real you”?

Do you hide parts of yourself from other people?

 

We Hide who We Are

 

Almost all of us hide our true selves (our weirdness), or parts of who we are, from others and even those closest to us. We believe that to have more confidence and get people to like us, we just need to hide our so-called “weaknesses”.

 

It can be extremely challenging to constantly monitor yourself so that you don’t let your weirdness slip out. For some of us it’s a full time job to hide our weirdness and mistakes, leading to stress, anxiety, anger, depression and strained relationships at best.

 

I used to hide parts of myself because I was worried what other people would think about me. Usually, these were aspects of me that I didn’t like or accept in myself so I was going to make sure I didn’t give others the chance to judge me.

 

We all have our own unique weirdness within us.  We all make mistakes and most of us are working our butts off to make sure people don’t get close enough to see them.

 

Usually, when you’re in a relationship with someone, you only get to know a few aspects of that person and they only get to know the parts of you that you share. We all know that we are hiding our weirdness, but it is hard to be the first one to be vulnerable and put your weirdness out there for all to see.

 

Your Weirdness is Your Awesomeness

 

What is so sadly funny is that what we all crave today is to experience true, intimate relationships with each other full of weirdness and mistakes.

 

Think of someone you know who seems confident in most situations, is able to connect with almost everyone they meet, and has great relationships.

 

People who have more confidence don’t make less mistakes, don’t have less weirdness and aren’t more boastful. People who truly have more confidence and experience genuine relationships are able to confidently express everything about themselves. They shout their weirdness and mistakes from the rooftops.

 

When you meet and have a relationship with someone that shares their weirdness you feel instantly connected and close to them. You can sense that you’re having a real conversation and you also remember them because knowing someone’s weirdness is endearing, memorable, intimate, and goes beyond the surface level.

 

Sharing your Weirdness = Self Confidence Training

 

If you want to truly have more confidence, connect with someone, and create real relationships, start sharing your weirdness.

 

1. Start to think about what makes you unique, what’s eccentric about you, what mistakes have you made, what are your fears and hopes, what don’t you want others to know about you and begin sharing it with others. Feel your fear and anxiety in sharing your weirdness and do it anyway.

2. Begin small and share some part of you that you normally wouldn’t, but that doesn’t feel too risky to tell someone. Begin sharing more and more of your weirdness, but take small steps as you do.

3. Being vulnerable and sharing your weirdness does not make you look weak or unsuccessful. It does make you a unique, relatable, likeable, confident, and deep person.

4. You can’t wait for others to share their weirdness. You have to risk going first! It can feel scary at first but, remember, doing so is crucial for genuine relationships.

5. Do it knowing that some people will judge you and some will not like you, but the people who are worth having genuine relationships with will love you for it.

6. Sharing your weirdness first often makes you extremely relatable and helps others feel comfortable enough to start sharing their own weirdness.

7. If you are a recovering perfectionist, like me, slap yourself out of it and decide whether you want to pretend to be perfect for the rest of your life or have genuine, deep and successful relationships. You can’t have it both ways.

8. Remember that your weirdness is your weirdness and try not to demand that other people have it too.

9. Start to accept and take pride in your weirdness and know that it says nothing about you as a person. You will have more confidence by repeatedly expressing everything about you.

 

Say Yes to Love,

Dr. Michael Arn & Dr. Ashley Arn