He has to have…..

he has to have

“He has to be tall, have dark eyes and dark hair.  It’s a must! It’s what I’m attracted to, I can’t help it and I’m not settling!”

Hello fellow adventurers in love,

A potential client of ours told us the words above.  She HAD to be with a guy who was tall, had dark eyes and dark hair.

She said she wouldn’t compromise or settle on these qualities.  She wasn’t going to settle for less than an amazing relationship.

She had been single and unhappy for decades.

She desperately wanted to find and create a relationship with the right guy.

We told her in no uncertain terms that the criteria she was using to find the right guy WAS THE REASON she hadn’t been successful in love.

If you are focusing on superficial qualities, you are going to have superficial relationships.

She wouldn’t have it and said she would NEVER change what she is looking for.

We told her that we couldn’t help her if she refused to change her mindset and strategy.

We can’t tell you the amount of times we’ve come across people who focused primarily on superficial qualities when looking for a match.

This strategy will NEVER work.

Yes, you can have one or two superficial qualities on your list of what you’re looking for, but they can’t be your primary focus.

Whether you are a man and you are focusing on finding a young skinny 20 something to boost your ego….


you are a woman and a majority of the top 5 qualities you’re looking for in a man are superficial.

You won’t find success long term this way.

You might temporarily experience an ego boost or immediate gratification while dating someone who meets your superficial criteria for a short time period.


It’s a terrible long term strategy for love and happiness.

Yes, you want to be attracted to the person you spend the rest of your life with.

You want to reach the chemistry threshold.

Heres the rub…

Attraction and chemistry have nothing to do with height, hair color, eye color or how much money someone makes.

The other problem is that attraction and chemistry are small parts of many qualities someone must have to be a great match for you long term.

They are part of what makes someone compatible with you, but not everything.

You aren’t settling when you end up with a guy who has brown eyes or a different hair color.

You ARE settling when….

you compromise your values to be with someone.

he isn’t compatible with your personality.

he isn’t compatible with your winning blueprint or love languages.

you don’t have a deep connection with him.

he isn’t committed to you or the relationship.

you have vastly different goals for the future.

you can’t be your best self with him.

That’s settling.

Settling has almost nothing to do with superficial qualities.

Most people have a list of qualities they’re looking for in a partner that is sabotaging their success in love.

We KNOW what to look for when you want to find and create a lasting relationship full of love and desire.

If you are motivated to make a change now and would like us to help you find the right person for you, book a free Single to Soul Mates Session with us:


Dr. Ashley & Dr. Michael Arn