How to Develop Relationships by Becoming a Thermostat

Whether you are a thermostat or a thermometer vastly leads to the success and quality of your relationships and life!

People who are Thermometers

Thermometers adjust themselves to the environment and surrounding climate.  They go up or down based solely on the outside temperature.

In our relationships, most of us are thermometers!  We adjust and match our attitudes and emotions to the people around us.  We allow ourselves to go up or down based on if those close to us are angry, depressed, or anxious.  We allow those around us to control how we feel and act.  We believe that other people have the power to makes us feel or act in certain ways.

Thermometers often complain about the people in their lives.  As thermometers, we simply react to other people.  People who are thermometers often say……

  • She made me angry.
  • He made me yell at him.
  • She’s wrong and needs to change.
  • I can’t stand how she talks to me.
  • It’s awful that my teen is so disrespectful.  He makes me so angry.
  • She made me feel worthless.
  • I felt terrible when he rejected me.
  • It’s her fault I’m like this.

People who are Thermostats

Thermostats control the temperature around them.  They don’t react to their environment, but control their temperature no matter what the circumstances outside are like.

People who are thermostats are experts at how to develop relationships.  People who are thermostats know that nobody else can control how they feel or act unless they allow it.  They understand that all other people can give them is information.  If someone else is angry, depressed, anxious, mean, or disrespectful, a thermostat knows that they have a choice in how they respond and feel.

Thermostats completely avoid other-control or the “I know what’s right for you” position.  They have strong relationships and connections because they don’t try to control other people.  They understand that they’ll never be able to solve their problems by demanding that another person see that they are right and the other person is wrong.  They understand that the only person’s behavior they can control is their own and focus on whether their behavior is helping or harming their relationships.

If thermostats have a problem with someone, they often think or say “I’m having a problem with what your doing and I’m going to change what I’m doing or thinking or we’ll never figure this out.”

Thermostats consciously make choices to feel and act in certain ways.  When they start to feel and act in ways they don’t like, they look within themselves to make changes to get back to how they want to be.  Thermostats look to change their actions and demanding/judging beliefs to feel good, happy and achieve their goals.

If you’re interested in how to develop relationships and take control of your life, become a thermostat!

How to Develop Relationships by becoming a thermostat today!

  1. Choose your attitude for how you will respond to others, and how you will feel and act no matter what happens.
  2. Fully believe that the only thing you can control is what you believe and what you do.
  3. Consciously monitor your inner conversations and question any demanding/judging beliefs.
  4. Look within yourself and decide who you want to be, how you want to feel, how you want to act, what kind of relationships you want, what’s important to you and what you want to achieve and act accordingly.

Say Yes to Love,

Dr. Michael Arn & Dr. Ashley Arn