Flooding Yourself with Negative thoughts and Bad Memories of Your Partner

 

We are major Foodies. We love talking about, preparing and eating FOOD. Ashley is an amazing cook and loves the process of cooking just as much as savoring the end result. She reads books, magazine and blogs on cooking FOR FUN.

 

Don’t even get her started on homemade baby food…….she could spend hours making it!

 

Michael feels like he hit the jackpot because his wife, mother and mother in-law are all great cooks. He can cook too, but he only makes the kind of food that’s great for watching Green Bay Packer games. He’s from Wisconsin so his tasty dishes are light on the healthy and heavy on the cheese, sausage, and gravy.

 

Cooking is a great source of happy times for our family and we have a lot of great memories from our times in the kitchen and at the dinner table.

 

Sometimes we just sit and talk about the amazing meals we’ve shared together and the fun times we had creating those memories.

What do you do to create and reinforce good memories with your partner?

 

One of the most destructive habits we’ve noticed our client’s often have is “looking to catch their lover doing something wrong and flooding themselves with unhappy thoughts and memories”.

 

If you’re alive (which hopefully you will be for a while, the alternative is much worse) and in a relationship you are going to go through tough times. There is no way around the tough times, but you don’t have to relive them day after day.

 

Many of the couples we work with continually think about and replay movies in their minds about past problems and difficulties.  Nothing could be worse for your relationship than to replay all your partners’ bad qualities and past mistakes over and over again.

 

But, that’s exactly what we do. We continually flood ourselves with our partner’s mistakes and negative attributes.

 

Now, this isn’t to say your partner can’t screw up big time and do lots of stupid things, but you don’t have to make the situation worse by reliving them every day.

 

Ashley once had a client who experienced a traumatic robbery and was replaying the event over and over in her mind. She was having nightmares and felt very anxious and depressed.

 

The minute she was able to stop being robbed again and again in her mind she started to feel better and was able to begin to move on with her life.

The same is true with your relationship.

 

The minute you can manage your thoughts and memories more effectively, you can dramatically change your relationship.

 

 

Are we saying you should simply think positive thoughts of your partner and practically lie to yourself about how great things are?

 

No. If you have weeds in your relationship garden it is best to realistically acknowledge them, but we also don’t want you to do the opposite and see only the weeds in the garden.

 

You want to be able to see the whole garden including the beautiful flowers, the weeds, the newly sprouting herbs, and the old reliable perennials.

 

Most of our thoughts and memories are biased toward the negative, so you have to replay good memories from the past on purpose and consciously remember your partner’s good qualities in order to see the whole garden.

 

 

Say Yes to Love,

Dr. Michael Arn & Dr. Ashley Arn