8 Signs of Divorce Revealed!

What are the signs of divorce?   Is your relationship in trouble?  Today we will break down for you the most common signs of divorce so you know what to look out for.

Do you argue with your partner?

Do you have very little in common?

Do you often disagree about making life decisions?

What Research shows are Signs of Divorce

If you said “yes” to any of the above questions, you may be wondering whether or not your relationship will last.  Most of us question the future of our relationships at one point or another. We believe that arguing, disagreeing, and having different interests in a relationship are signs of divorce.

In fact, answering “yes” to any of the above questions says very little about the direction of your relationship.   Most couples argue, disagree and have different interests.

Dr. John Gottman has conducted research on the success or failure of relationships for decades.  His findings have been shocking, to say the least, and changed many of the methods for couples counseling.  He found very specific signs of divorce in relationships that allowed him to accurately predict divorce or the success of marriages.

8  Signs of Divorce Revealed

1. Blaming problems on your partner’s character or indicating something is wrong with him or her.

There is a difference between voicing your dislike of your partner’s actions (or blaming your problems for getting in between you two) and blaming your partner for the problems.  If your talking to your partner as though the problems are a result of what is wrong with him or her as a person, your relationship is headed for trouble.

2. Beginning conversations and interactions with blaming, accusations, negativity or passive/aggressive sarcasm.

If you or your partner usually starts your interactions or conversations in an accusatory or blaming way, this severely influences the direction of your relationship.  It is difficult to have a meaningful, healthy conversation starting this way.

3. Increasing emotional and sexual disengagement and avoidance (especially emotional).

Couples often avoid each other, stop caring and are just two ships passing each other in the night.  Emotional disengagement is one of the biggest factors contributing to divorce.

4. Experiencing an overall sense of dislike, disrespect and disdain for your partner.

Anytime you feel disgusted with your partner and lose respect for him or her, it is a bad sign for your relationship.  Hostile, passive/aggressive sarcasm and humor, blaming, perceiving all your partner’s actions negatively, and a general lack of caring are all significant predictors of divorce.

5. Frequently feeling like you need to defend or protect yourself from your partner.

Do you frequently feel like you have to defend who you are as a person or your actions to your partner?  Often when you feel defensive, you also start going on the attack and looking for weaknesses to point out about your partner to take the heat off yourself.   This can be a very dangerous cycle that can result in divorce.

6. A frequent and intense feeling of being overwhelmed with negativity when talking to your partner.

Often couples headed for divorce feel the need to avoid each other because of intense and frequent feelings of being overwhelmed with negativity.  If you and your partner experience very little enjoyment from the relationship it is sign there is a problem.

7. Repeated, unsuccessful efforts to de-escalate arguments, calm down or use humor to break the negative vibe.

In most arguments one or both partners will usually try to de-escalate the situation and calm down at different points.  In distressed couples, these efforts to regroup and move the conversation in a healthy direction are repeatedly thwarted by the other partner.

8. An overall negative view about the past, present and future of your relationship.

Often couples headed for divorce see everything their partner says or does as negative.  They have very little hope for the future.  They often even view their past in a very negative way, where before they might have had very fond memories with each other.  But……..

THERE IS HOPE!

Couple’s coaching has been shown to be highly effective in helping couple’s create the the marriage they are both hoping for.  If you and your partner are experiencing any of these signs of divorce it might be time to make some changes before it’s too late.

Say Yes to Love,

Dr. Michael Arn & Dr. Ashley Arn