We all Perform Magic

We hope you had a FANTASTIC weekend.

We had a blast at our son’s 6th birthday on Saturday.

We hired a magician and 24 children were spellbound by his tricks (many of us adults were too).

If you really think about it, what does a magician do?

Mainly a magician directs your attention and focus in one particular direction.

He gets you to focus over here while he’s doing the trick over there., completely out of your focus of attention.

He takes your awareness and narrows it down to have you focus on one small thing.

Guess what?

We do this to ourselves too, especially in our love lives.

Everyday we are directing our focus and attention away from some realities and toward others.

The question is this, is the way you’re directing your attention helping you feel good about your ability to have a relationship with the right person or not?

Does it feel like you’ll never find him?

Does it feel like dating is so hard?

Does it feel like all men are immature?

Does it feel like all dating sites suck?

If it does, you are focusing on one tiny sliver of the realities out there in dating.

And here is the tough part. We are not saying any of those things aren’t true. They may or may not be, but there are other truths out there also.

When you feel angry in life, you are focusing your attention on one small thing that is angering you to the exclusion of all other realities in your life.

We all do this.

When you are in love with someone and in the honey moon phase you are focusing your attention on all the great aspects of this person to the exclusion of all other realities.

You can’t stop selectively focusing on something. You don’t have the mental bandwidth to focus on all the realties going on in your life.

The key is to purposely direct your attention so that it helps you feel confident about yourself and enables you to take action on the strategies you’re using to meet the right person.

What’s one positive thing you can focus on right now about yourself and about what you’re doing in dating to help you feel more confident and take the next necessary step?

Rooting for you,

Dr. Ashley & Dr. Michael Arn