We often get asked ” Why am I attracted to him?” “Why am I always attracted to men who aren’t right for me or relationship ready?”
Attraction and chemistry are fickle beasts.
It’s also a little scary when we really have chemistry with a person.
We are often attracted to people who are terrible for us long term.
We often are shut off to having chemistry with others.
Most of us knowingly or unknowingly use what we call caveman/cavewoman attraction as the primary deciding factor in who to date.
That’s a big problem.
It’s one of the biggest reasons for the miserable state of relationships right now.
So what do we do?
The first thing is to differentiate between initial caveman/cavewoman attraction and what we call best friends and lover’s attraction.
Caveman/cavewoman attraction is that instinctual lusty attraction you feel when someone triggers your biological and evolutionary wiring.
We are hardwired to have chemistry with people who are great for survival and replication.
This is the reason why you are attracted to him or any guy who isn’t great for you long term.
Marketers have been exploiting these biological triggers for decades.
It’s why we are drawn to porn.
To romance novels.
To men or women are aren’t good for us.
Our primitive instincts often steer us in directions that get us into trouble.
Here is the other problem with being wired for caveman/cavewoman attraction…..
Cavemen and cavewomen were great at having babies and creating future generations.
They were atrocious at having long term relationships full of love and desire.
So, you are wired from birth for a kind of relationship that falls woefully short of the type of relationship we want today.
You want to focus on finding and creating best friends and lover’s attraction.
This kind of attraction has nothing to do with your looks.
Nothing to do with your degree.
Best friends and lover’s attraction is created by two things:
- attractive complementary qualities.
- stepping up to each other’s winning blueprint.
Attractive complementary qualities are the contradictions inside of us.
When you are confident yet humble.
When you are funny yet caring.
When you are intellectual yet sensual.
It’s a combination of qualities inside of you that makes someone say “whoa that’s unique”
Developing these attractive complementary qualities and knowing which of these qualities are best for you in a partner is important.
Stepping up to each other’s winning blueprints is a complex process of getting to know and acting on each other’s needs, wants, values, character and boundaries.
The main thing you want to takeaway is that it’s critical to ditch the caveman/cavewoman type attraction and to find and create best friends and lover’s attraction.
It isn’t easy to do this on your own, especially because you are wired for the wrong type of attraction.
We can help you develop best friends and lover’s attraction with the right person.
You won’t be able to do this by reading a book. It takes direct work with us to transcend your wiring.